Well the crash diet worked until I started eating again - SHOCKER. And while starving myself allowed me to shed the bloat, I still needed some assistance to get into the dress that ended up to be TOO SMALL TO BEGIN WITH.
That's right folks, I wasn't a chunky mc-chunkerson who couldn't fit into her dress because she went on a depressive eating spiral. Another bridesmaid had the same problem, and she WAS one of those girls. We could only conclude that some bitch at the bridal store had it out for us. I also remembered that the only time the dress had ever fit me was when I had mono and was actually starving.
Life's a bitch and so are sales assistants.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Newest Guilty Pleasure
Watching The Biggest Loser while eating dinner and drinking wine.
Muwuahahahah. My diet starts tomorrow BITCHES!
Muwuahahahah. My diet starts tomorrow BITCHES!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Guilt
What do Catholics and Jews have in common? Guilt. Guilt is constantly with us, if not from our mothers (Jewish), our Fathers (Catholic). We are guilty folks. Though, my guilt never stopped me from eating anything, it only made me feel horrible afterwards. Maybe its the lack of food to the brain but I can only assume that guilt played a role in what just occured....
My day has blown. Work totally sucks and I feel overwhelmed. I really didn't give a fuck about anything. So when I started craving a baked item from the bakery down the street, nothing was really going to stop me from consuming it. But when I walked into the bakery, I couldn't decided what I wanted. I couldn't pin my craving on one item. So I picked up some yogurt and granola?!?! Then I was like, what I am doing?! I'm in a bakery for chrissakes, I need to get smart and get a brownie STAT. Instead, I got a banana? And was happy about it? I don't know what's going on, but someone upstairs really wants me to be in this wedding on Saturday.
Sheesh, what is the world coming to.
My day has blown. Work totally sucks and I feel overwhelmed. I really didn't give a fuck about anything. So when I started craving a baked item from the bakery down the street, nothing was really going to stop me from consuming it. But when I walked into the bakery, I couldn't decided what I wanted. I couldn't pin my craving on one item. So I picked up some yogurt and granola?!?! Then I was like, what I am doing?! I'm in a bakery for chrissakes, I need to get smart and get a brownie STAT. Instead, I got a banana? And was happy about it? I don't know what's going on, but someone upstairs really wants me to be in this wedding on Saturday.
Sheesh, what is the world coming to.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Sabatoge
It was a wedding weekend and I had already decided that I was going to eat at the reception. Trying to say no and eat yet another salad with chicken breast on it was not an option. It was not however a mexican monday, but that did not stop me from eating some chicken fajitas last night after downing two margaritas. If I was a good little girl, I would be starving myself today. But I am very bad and ate breakfast and lunch all before 1pm. Granted breakfast was kashi, and lunch was soup with a can of tuna, but that's still probably more calories consumed in an entire day in the developing world. If you're going to get real skinny to need to follow the people who have been there in the real world!
Eating so early though kinda screws me. With no snacks in sight until dinner, dinner being the famous chicken breast on a bed of greens, I'm going to starving. Usually the starving factor would be fine except I'm meeting a colleague for drinks.
My definition of drinks is two cocktails before dinner. For one of those girls, it means dinner. For me trying to be one of those girls, it means diet suicide. I am of Irish heritage which means I have a hard time turning off the drinking switch once its been set to all systems go. Not only that, but when you're full steam ahead with a few cold ones down the hatch, you tend to reach for the most convenient dining choices. Though I will be at a wine bar, the word bar is still in the name of the establishment which means they still serve nuts, pizza, and burgers. No amount of gum or vitapills can really fight off drunken urges.
Eating so early though kinda screws me. With no snacks in sight until dinner, dinner being the famous chicken breast on a bed of greens, I'm going to starving. Usually the starving factor would be fine except I'm meeting a colleague for drinks.
My definition of drinks is two cocktails before dinner. For one of those girls, it means dinner. For me trying to be one of those girls, it means diet suicide. I am of Irish heritage which means I have a hard time turning off the drinking switch once its been set to all systems go. Not only that, but when you're full steam ahead with a few cold ones down the hatch, you tend to reach for the most convenient dining choices. Though I will be at a wine bar, the word bar is still in the name of the establishment which means they still serve nuts, pizza, and burgers. No amount of gum or vitapills can really fight off drunken urges.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Good News/Bad News
Good News: I lost 4 pounds.
Bad News: There is a bomb threat outside my office.
If I gave up carbs and get blown up, somebody is getting sued! If I don't die thin then the terrorists have won! Viva la weight loss!
Bad News: There is a bomb threat outside my office.
If I gave up carbs and get blown up, somebody is getting sued! If I don't die thin then the terrorists have won! Viva la weight loss!
Same Diff
Co-worker: Are you still on the crash diet or just eating healthy?
Me: What's the difference?
Me: What's the difference?
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The idiocy means its working
Dieting makes you absolutely retarded.
I think instead of losing fat, I'm losing brain cells. I allowed myself a half cup of mixed berries today with my lunch. That was my "dessert." Don't get me wrong, I do actually love fruit but it is no dessert. Desserts are completely man made - they do not exist in nature. They cannot be picked from a tree or harvested or need to be washed before eating. Desserts are things that contain obscene amounts of butter, sugar, cream, and fat. Desserts give you a feeling of indulgent guilt after you eat them. I don't crave an apple at 4 in the afternoon with a cup of coffee. We don't cut into big pieces of banana at weddings! I never feel bad about eating watermelon. Come on!
Fruit is not a dessert. I might not be eating anything, but its no dessert item.
Well my non-dessert "dessert" item totally pulled one over on me. I was looking for it on my desk, wanting to nosh on the last of the raspberries. Then I realized it wasn't on my desk, because I had put it away because I finished eating it moments earlier.
I'm an idiot.
I think instead of losing fat, I'm losing brain cells. I allowed myself a half cup of mixed berries today with my lunch. That was my "dessert." Don't get me wrong, I do actually love fruit but it is no dessert. Desserts are completely man made - they do not exist in nature. They cannot be picked from a tree or harvested or need to be washed before eating. Desserts are things that contain obscene amounts of butter, sugar, cream, and fat. Desserts give you a feeling of indulgent guilt after you eat them. I don't crave an apple at 4 in the afternoon with a cup of coffee. We don't cut into big pieces of banana at weddings! I never feel bad about eating watermelon. Come on!
Fruit is not a dessert. I might not be eating anything, but its no dessert item.
Well my non-dessert "dessert" item totally pulled one over on me. I was looking for it on my desk, wanting to nosh on the last of the raspberries. Then I realized it wasn't on my desk, because I had put it away because I finished eating it moments earlier.
I'm an idiot.
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