The F Word

In land of femaledom, women are either skinny or fat, period. If you're not skinny, you're fat. If you're not fat, you're probably not skinny. And if you're skinny, you're probably not eating.
There is no in between, gray area, or questioning this system. The lines are very clear: fat or skinny.

If you hate a girl, she is by default fat. Even if she's a size two, she is automatically a fat whore that you hate. All of your friends will agree with you on this. Because using the f word is serious business.

Your friends are NEVER fat. They are either skinny, not fat, or "fine." Fine is the response you give to a non-skinny but not non-fat friend when she starts complaining about her weight. You tell her she looks fine and quickly change the subject. If you hated this friend you would call her fat, because that's what she probably is. In each friend group there is always the skinny one and the fat one. For those girl groups, you know THOSE girls who are all skinny bitches, they still have the fat one. The fat one who claims she is a 4 when really she is a 6. The fat one who actually has an ass. For the rest of us girls the fat one in the group probably is a girl who is fat. But you never, ever, EVER tell her that. I know I sound like a bitch writing this post, but I'm speaking the cold, hard, fatty truth.

Men can never say the f word, or even discuss your weight, or even mention the fact that you if you stepped on a scale that the numbers would in fact move. Women want to be weightless in the eyes of men. And smart men, NEVER bring up weight, because once you do that phrase will be forever ingrained in the mind of that woman. She will be able to provide you with a direct quote of what you said for YEARS to come. This, of course, is not a problem if you are a complete asshole, but if you don't want to be held to a 5 word sentence for the rest of your life, don't speak on the subject.